


Hold Me Close

by BlazersEtc



Series: Explaining Alexander [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec has Aspergers, Asperger Syndrome, Aspergers!Alec, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 04:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8273269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazersEtc/pseuds/BlazersEtc
Summary: Alec comes from a world devoid of emotion and physical comfort, so what happens when he starts having a craving for a certain Warlock?[Part of the Explaining Alexander Seiries] Aspergers!Alec.





	

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please do not use these fics as a guidebook on how to deal with those of us on the Aspergers spectrum. Everyone is different and what may be true of Alec or me will not translate in exactly the same way to everyone on the spectrum. I write these fics so that those out there who aren't on the spectrum can understand it a little bit better, and hopefully you all enjoy them!

 

  
Alec had grown up with the life of a Shadowhunter. Shadowhunters didn’t show emotions (something that came naturally to Alec, he didn’t like people in his head trying to analyze him or tell him how to think) and because of that, they avoided things like hugs and kisses. Alec could count on one hand the number of times he’d even seen his parents kiss and the only physical affection he received as a child had been hugs from Izzy and a few one armed hugs from his Parabati. It never bothered Alec, after all he didn’t exactly want people he really had no ties with to be touching him, but when he got older there was a sudden need for touch, and Alec couldn’t seem to get his head around it.

  
Alec started to realize it when he started to take interest in Jace. At first, Alec didn’t pay attention to it, the way his stomach would twist in unpleasant knots when he let go of Jace’s hands after a round of Parabati tracking, or the way he’d instantly start to relax if Jace put a hand on his shoulder. Alec just acquainted those feelings with the fact that he was nervous, that Jace would find out about his feelings towards the boy. The longer it went on, however, the more Alec began to realize that wasn’t the case.  
Some nights Alec would lay alone, unable to sleep, wishing more than anything that he had someone to cuddle with. Alec hated how much the idea appealed to him, he was a Shadowhunter, tough and independent, cuddling was not something he needed. Cuddling wasn't something he should want. So Alec would turn over, pull a blanket over his head and try ,for the millionth time, to push out the feeling of emptiness.

  
When Magnus came into his life, Alec realized just how screwed he was. After the wedding debacle, Alec and Magnus hadn’t had too much time to talk and sort things out. They’d only had time to go on one date [and an unofficial coffee date that really didn’t count because can a date last only fifteen minutes?] before the Shadowworld exploded with activity. Alec was constantly on the move, following up report after report of demon activity and when Alec finally got a break Magnus had a client to tend to. At first, Alec had been almost thankful for the time apart, using it to get his thoughts in order about just how he felt about Magnus, but he quickly realized the distance was taking a total. While Magnus had texted often so that they had contact, Alec had physically been near Magnus in over three weeks.

  
Tonight was the first night since their first date that they really got to stop and spend time together. Magnus had planned a dinner date for the two of them but after the catastrophe that had happened the last time they went out Alec had suggested they stay in. Magnus had easily magicked food in from a local Italian place, and after a fairly calm and comfortable dinner of easy chatter, they had decided to watch a few movies Magnus hadn't had the time to get to. Now they were sitting side by side on Mangus’s plush couch, a new one since Alec had been there last, a glass of blue liquid in Magnus’s hand and a bottle of water in Alec’s. They were halfway into The Avengers:Age Of Ultron, and Alec wasn’t even paying attention to what was going on because the only thing he could think about was Mangus; specifically moving closer to Mangus.

Magnus had noticed Alec’s fidgeting a few moments prior, side-eyeing him when Alec wasn't looking, but he hadn’t said anything, thinking that maybe he was just trying to get comfortable, but as the movie progressed Magnus decided that there might be something else going on. 

  
“If you can’t sit still maybe we should go for a walk instead.” Magnus kept his tone light and teasing as he looked at the Shadowhunter, though there was genuine offer hidden in the words. 

  
“No, that’s alright. I’ll stop.” Alec blushed and held perfectly still, his back straight and stiff as he tried to get his body and his mind to cooperate; Magnus just shook his head in amusement.

  
“Come here.” Magnus held out his arm for Alec, who paused, blinking in confusion as he looked at Magnus, before he realized what Magnus wanted. Alec blushed darker, embarrassed for staring so long, before he tucked himself into Magnus’s side, leaning his head on Magnus's shoulder, his body instantly relaxing into the Warlock's arms. Magnus brought his fingers up, running them through Alec’s hair gently, causing Alec’s eyes to flutter in pleasure. Alec had never felt anything like this before, it was relaxing,reassuring and...intimate. The usual nervous feeling that Ale got in his stomach had gone quiet and for once Alec found himself only thinking about how comfortable he was. Until Magnus had to ruin it. 

  
“Why didn’t you just tell me you wanted to cuddle?” Magnus teased, Alec could hear the playful tone in his voice but it did nothing to stop the nervous ball of butterflies that had suddenly reappeared in his stomach. 

  
“Because I….It’s just….” Alec stumbled over his words, not sure how to go about telling Magnus, when it still didn’t make much sense to himself. Alec couldn't explain why he needed touch so badly, and he wasn't sure he knew how to put it into words just yet.  Mangus still didn’t know about Alec’s…situation, and Alec realized that if what he and Magnus had was going to work, he’d need to tell the Warlock. If Alec didn't tell him he'd probably think Alec was unstable or crazy and get sick of dealing with him, and if Alec told him the truth at least he could decide if he wanted to deal with him.

  
“Look, Magnus, there is something I need to tell you.” Alec sighed a little, nervously picking at the beads on Magnus’s shirt, avoiding eye contact with the Warlock. The only people who knew what Alec had were his family, minus Max, and Alec had never told anyone before, it was always his parents talking in hushed tones. Alec wanted to keep it to himself and hope Magnus didn’t notice, to avoid the judgment and pity he knew would follow, but he knew better than to try that, Magnus wasn’t stupid and Alec wasn’t very good at hiding things; but he wasn't very good at explaining himself either.

  
“What is it, Angel?” Magnus gave Alec a reassuring smile, though his own heart picked up its pace as he worried what might come out of the Shadowhunter’s mouth.

  
"I...you see...um..." Alec bit down his bottom lip so hard he was sure he tasted blood but right now he had more important things on his mind. "Can I have some paper? And a pen?"

  
Magnus furrowed his eyebrows at the request and the sudden change of conversation, wondering what exactly Alec was up to. He snapped his fingers, causing a small notebook and a filigree pen to appear on the couch beside them. Alec sat up, untangling himself from Magnus and opened the notebook without saying a word. Magnus looked on in complete confusion, in all his years on earth he'd never met anyone who surprised, and confused, him like Alec did.

  
Alec scribbled something down onto the paper before scratching it out and flipping the page over to start again, the whole time worrying his lip between his teeth. He did this two more times before he finally sat the pen down and passed the open notebook to Magnus. Magnus looked at Alec curiously before taking the book in his hands, his eyes scanning the penmanship.

  
_I have Aspergers._

  
Alec watched nervously, though there weren't many words it seemed that Magus was reading them over and over again. _This is it_ , Alec thought to himself, _he's going to kick me out. He won't want to deal with me anymore._

When Magnus looked up again he set the notebook on the coffee table and shrugged, "Is that all? Alexander, you really did give me a scare. Next time, try not to worry me so much. I am getting old after all."

  
Magnus's tone as light and teasing, a smile easily creeping onto his face as he nudged Alec's knee with his wrist. Alec blinked in confusion, how was Magnus not angry about this?

  
"You...you're okay with it?" Alec was desperately trying to figure out what was going on, how had Magnus been so relaxed about this? Alec's parents hated bringing Alec's condition up and though Jace and Izzy were more accepting, even they didn't always understand.

  
"Alexander, there is nothing to not be okay with. So your brain works a little differently, I've never seen you as...mundane." Magnus's eyes held a playful smile, knowing that Alec was not a fan of Mundane's or being compared to one. "You're the same Alexander to me."

  
Alec felt like he couldn't breathe and then like there was too much air all at once. Magnus was not only not kicking him out, he was telling Alec that nothing had changed. It wasn't like the meetings in Idris where Alec was told not to tell anyone, to hide what he had away from the world. It wasn't his parents pretending that Alec was just a normal guy and threatening him not to tell anyone. Magnus was accepting him. Alec felt his throat tighten and his heart swell in a way he didn't quite understand. He felt dizzy as his chest tightened and went a little numb on him, Magnus wasn't pushing him away. 

  
"Thank you." Alec's voice was quiet, and Magnus grinned, pulling Alec back into his chest and holding him close.

  
"Nothing to thank me for, Angel." Magnus placed a feather light kiss to Alec's forehead before pulling back and tangling his fingers back into Alec's hair. "Now, you never did answer my question. Why didn't you just ask for a cuddle session?"

  
Alec's cheeks flushed once more and he tried to hide his face in Magnus's chest. "I didn't want you to think I was weak. Shadowhunters don't do that sort of thing." Alec huffed, blowing warm air out against Magnus's chest.

  
Magnus chuckled and Alec could feel him shaking his head, "Oh the mighty Nephilim, acting as if they don't have emotions, how amusing."

  
"I'm not good with words, but actions, those make more sense. Words are easier if I can write them or text them. I'm not good at saying them, especially around you." Alec blushed darker at the admission, "I don't feel so...wrong, like this. I don't feel like I'm different."

  
"Alexender, nothing about you is wrong, and I'll put a hex on anyone who says otherwise." Magnus ran his fingers gently through Alec's hair and Alec felt his muscles relaxing once more into Magnus's warm body. Alec didn't know what else to say, so he settled for gripping Magnus's middle a little tighter.

  
"Now, why don't you text Isabelle and let you know you won't be back to the institute tonight. I'll be offering my services and you'll be busy helping me with...downworlder affairs until morning."

  
Alec turned his head to look up at Magnus, a small smile dancing on his lips.

  
"And if anyone has a problem with the fact that I spent the night cuddling with a Shadowhunter, they will have to deal with the wrath of the High Warlock of Brooklyn."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! The fact that it's easier for Alec to write than verbally communicate is something that I personally experience quite often and in a later edition to this series will be addressed more in depth. I know these fics are fairly short but with aspergers (for me personally) adding detail is one of the hardest thins to do because it's obvious in my own mind what I'm seeing and when I go to write it my brain skips things I think are 'obvious' that most people need written down. Hopefully nothing here left you confused. As always I love to hear your feedback!


End file.
